


The Worst of Them All

by Proskenion



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Gen, Hurt, PTSD, Past Abuse, Season 7 Spoilers, Self-Hatred, insult, slight angst maybe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-21
Updated: 2017-08-21
Packaged: 2018-12-18 06:24:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11868510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Proskenion/pseuds/Proskenion
Summary: At Dragonstone, after returning from the sea battle against Euron, Theon awaits for the return of the Dragonqueen, desparate to go and save his sister. At night, he's awaken by nightmares...Sets between episode 3 and 4 for beginning for episode 4, I guess.





	The Worst of Them All

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone ! I'm back !  
> I was basically just terribly frustrated by the lack of Theon in GoT7 last épisodes so I wrote this... I really hope you'll enjoy it! I take great pleasure writting it :)  
> Once more, I'm asking you to be kind and forgive my mistakes...

Theon woke up in a start, awaken by the row of his own screams. He was covered in sweat and it took him a while to slow down his breath. His heart was pounding so loudly against his chest you could fear it would break. Nightmares. He had nightmares every night, always the same. And he would never get used to it. 

As his eyes acclimated to the darkness of the room, he found himself instinctively searching for Yara. She had delt with his tormented nights during the pasts weeks with a patience and care he would not have expected. He was not used to it, people caring, and it seemed he would not get ever used to it, not really. But even if it was still hard for his body and soul to comprehend this affection, he needed it, he yearned for it. That is why, even if he knew he did not deserve it, he instinctively scanned the room to find Yara and her ability to sooth him. 

Except Yara wasn’t there. 

She wasn’t there, and it was his fault. _His fault._

And suddenly the pain stroke him right through his heart, viciously crawling under his skin like a snake. Or flaying knife. No, it was worst than that, so much worst… And Theon curled himself up inside his sheets as reality brutally became much more painful and unsufferable than his terrifying dreams. 

Yara. He had failed her. He had forsaken her. And she was in awful danger all because of him, because of his weakness and cowardice. He remembered her voice when she called him her protector. She had trusted him and he had betrayed her. Because that’s what he was. A traitor to whom he love the most and put a foolish trust in him. A trust he has proven million times to be unworthy of. 

He had returned to Dragonstone hoping he would be allowed and given the means to go and save her. But the Dragonqueen wasn’t there and he could do nothing but wait. Wait and pray for his sister to be safe – as safe as possible at least – for his sister not to be…

No, he could not think about it. He could not say it, not even in thought. This could not be. This made no sense. Not when he was breathing. 

He suddenly felt like two angry eyes were staring at him in the dark. Jon angry hard eyes. Meeting him there in Dragonstone was the last thing he had expected. And now the memory of Jon disgusted expression while looking at him was haunting him. Just another face among the others. 

So many faces were staring at him in the dark, at night, when he closed his eyes. So many ghosts haunting him, so many voices calling for his death, so many monsters tormenting him. And amongs all those monsters, the worst of them all : himself. 

He should be dead. And he would be, eventually. Theon knew it. One day, he would finally pay for all his crimes. He would pay for his foul, disgusting and miserable life. And that was a strangely soothing knowledge.

But not now. Because for now his sister needed him. He had no choice but go and save her. He couldn’t fail her on that. Not again. Not this time. 

And on this firm but kind of desperate resolution, Theon closed his eyes and resignedly waited for his nightmares to come back and torture him again.


End file.
